Friday, February 21, 2014

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Do's & Don't's - Part 1

Dungeons & Dragons (2000) PG-13
Dungeons & Dragons, set in a divided kingdom where sorcery rules above all things, until a young empress sets to change things for the betterment of all her subjects. A pair of thieves get swept away in a quest for a rod to control Red Dragons as a political/military coup looms.




Certainly, this is a movie that has been universally reviled and panned since its release. One reviewer goes as far to call it the worst movie of 2000, while another proclaimed that God "hated him" for having made him suffer through the movie. Despite all the general loathing directed at the movie (and a mere 10% fresh at Rotten Tomatoes, I sat down to brave this cinematic disaster.

Simply put? This movie is just is not as bad as it is made out to be. That does not mean that it is a fantastic film, but it is one undeserving of at least some of the venom thrown its way. The movie is Dungeons & Dragons which, for anyone who has not been near a basement in the past 40 years, is the name of the best selling role playing game in history. This movie is very accurate in reflecting its roots. This is not Lord of the Rings, instead this movie could believably have played out around a gaming table in someone's kitchen. For all the wailing and gnashing of teeth about this movie, it really is D&D.

The movie stars famed actor Jeremy Irons, television perennial Justin Whalin, comedian Marlon Wayans, a blue lipped Bruce Payne, and American Beauty's Thora Birch. To this fairly solid cast are added supporting players including Doctor Who's Tom Baker and Richard O'Brien. One would think that this fairly veteran cast would have made for an amazing movie. One would be wrong. Again, this movie is so universally reviled by people who have seen it that it has received reviews proclaiming it "disgraceful", "a flop", "an abomination", and more. Seriously, people absolutely hate this movie.

Producer/Director Courtney Solomon acquired the rights for Dungeons & Dragons in 1990, at the age of 19. It took him ten years to raise the money to make the film, all the while fighting the then head of TSR, Lorraine Williams. Williams vetoed every director choice that Solomon put forth (including Francis Ford Coppola) and forced Solomon to direct. Considering that Lorraine Williams considered gamers and most of her workers her social inferiors, and held it as a point of pride that she had never played Dungeons & Dragons, is it really surprising the quality of the movie suffered under her dictates?

But it really isn't as bad as all of that. This is a movie based on Dungeons & Dragons after all. The point is to be faithful to the game itself, not the story genres that may have inspired it. While this movie tries to be "high fantasy" (and fails) it falls right back into the niche of Sword & Sorcery.


The effects are low budget, but still better than many of effects from other Sword & Sorcery films. The cast is fairly solid, although some performances seem a bit too over the top. This can probably be credited to a reluctant, first-time, director. The story itself is epic in scope and local in feel.

So why the hate? Most likely, a good amount of the hate showered on this film is because it fails on the most important level. It does not feel that it honors the game that its potential fan base loves so much. Had a classic AD&D module been adapted for the movie (something Williams surely would never have allowed without demanding more money), and adapted well? This movie would've gotten high praise from the gaming community. Instead, it captures the feel of the game experience, perhaps too well.

It seems that, no matter how dark and serious a game someone is trying to run, there is always one person at the table who is determined to turn it into their own stand-up comedy spotlight. Putting that guy's character in the movie (Marlan Wayan's character "Snail") was a bad decision. Attempting to do other things that they simply didn't have the know-how to pull off (like making the dwarf look shorter than the rest of the cast) certainly dragged things down further.

The constant struggle between what this movie is trying to be, versus what the movie actually is, gets a bit exhausting. The potential for this to have been a much greater movie is clearly visible. Simply having better special effects would've carried this production to much higher praise (seriously, that sad-sack Beholder was depressing). Having someone a little more solid, and a little less stoned, than Marlan Wayans would really have helped too.

But there are moments that really shine through and show the love for D&D that inspired this project. The thieves guild, the aerial dragon battle, and the use of classic D&D monsters (yes, including the sad-sack Beholder) all point towards a real attempt to make something for the game's players. That it ultimately fell short is more a reflection of Lorraine William's meddling and Courtney Solomon's relatively small budget for a project with a scope so large.



D's&D's
When creating a movie based upon Dungeons & Dragons...
Do: Include a mixture of the game's fantasy races.
Don't: Have a "dwarf" who appears to be 5'8.
Do: Enhance the mystique of characters by making them appear exotic.
Don't: Give anyone blue lips. 
Do: Have a racially diverse cast representative of the game's player/fan base.
Don't: Have Marlon Wayans mug his way through the movie like a minstrel show player. Shameful.
Do: Create tension by showing that the characters are not invincible and can die.
Do: Kill off Marlan Wayan's character.

Don't: Wait so long to do it.
Do: Include dragons.
Don't: Use second rate computer effects that had already been surpassed by the computer game industry.



Final Thoughts
In the end, this movie truly is a fairly accurate reflection of the D&D experience of many people. It isn't a great movie, but it certainly isn't the worst in the genre, not by a long shot. This is light year's beyond something like Wizards of the Demon Sword for example. So, go ahead, give this movie another look. Don't go in with high expectations, be realistic. You might find that it isn't as bad as it is reputed to be. I'd give this 2 stars out of 5, on par (in my opinion) with Red Sonja without being as crushingly disappointing.

Works Cited
"Bruce Payne." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
Cecil, Christopher. "Save Vs. Nauseousness." DMChristopher.com. N.p., 3 June 2001. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Courtney Solomon." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Dungeons & Dragons (2000)." Dungeons & Dragons. Rotten Tomatoes, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Dungeons & Dragons." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Dungeons & Dragons Trailer." YouTube. YouTube, 24 Nov. 2009. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Dungeons & Dragons." Wulf's Pit of Sword and Sorcery Cinema. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
Heather. "Dungeons & Dragons [Retro Viewing]." Mutant Reviewers. Mutant Reviewers, 23 May 2010. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Jeremy Irons." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Justin Whalin." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Marlon Wayans." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
Rausch, Allen. "Magic & Memories: The Complete History of Dungeons & Dragons - Part III." PC.Gamespy.com. Gamespy, 17 Aug. 2004. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Richard O'Brien." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
Sacco, Ciro Alessandro. "The Ultimate Interview With Gary Gygax." TheKyngdoms.com. The Kyngdoms, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Thora Birch." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.
"Tom Baker." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2014.

Getting back to normal

Things have been quiet around here for a little bit. A sudden medical procedure and recovery kept me away. Everything is fine though, no fear. It gave me time to spoil myself with repeats of childhood favorites while on serious painkillers. In fact, it was watching all of the original Land of the Lost that inspired this great piece of work from artist Victor Layne. In the middle of the night while I was loopy on those painkillers I tossed out an idea that he brought to life. An old school image fitting for a return to normalcy here.

Conan vs. Sleestaks

This piece still just makes me grin. Victor Layne can be found on Facebook and is available for commissions big and small.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Breaking News: Sorceress

Screenwriter Jim Wynorski has announced that a DVD/Blu Ray version of 1982's Sorceress is coming soon. He has done an on-screen interview for it and the longer version of the film has been found.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A little levity

Korgoth of Barbaria (2006) NR

Korgoth of Barbaria was a pilot for an animated show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Set in a world similar to that of White Dwarf magazine's comic Thrud the Barbarian, Korgoth takes sword & sorcery tropes to the extreme, with hilarious results.


Starring a barbarian who would much rather use violence to solve an issue than speak, the story of Korgoth takes the feel of Howard's Conan series and turns them up to 11. An example takes place in one of the (many) battle scenes where Korgoth grabs a man by the topknot and tears the flesh off the front of his body, then douses the wound in alcohol, then sets him ablaze. Over the top and "gonzo" are both terms that have been used to describe this popular piece.

Shown as a pilot, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim had announced that the show was being picked up for a season. When the season never appeared, the next word of Korgoth's fate was in an Adult Swim bumper that revealed why several shows had not made it to production. Korgoth was listed as "Too Expensive". This sparked an on-line petition to raise support and awareness, as well as a Korgoth Facebook page.

While I'm not often a fan of Diedrich Bader and his tendency to ham up the gravely quality to his voice, for Korgoth it strikes the perfect note. The voice being as over the top as the action is really helps sell the concept.

Betrayed by the "Baron of Thieves", Korgoth must seek out the tower of the wizard Specules and steal the Golden Goblin of the 4th Age. Specules is believed to be dead, but when is anything ever that easy. Monstrous trees, giant pigeons, exploding fruit, diabolical poisons, and more all await Korgoth as he attempts to fulfill his quest.


Tropes Explored
Korgoth of Barbaria explores and lampoons a number of sword & Sorcery tropes, beginning with the quintessential beginning for many an adventure, the tavern. In a scene lifted almost directly from a Thrud the Barbarian comic, the brooding barbarian ignores everything until his drink is spilled. Then, all hell breaks loose. In this same scene, perhaps as another nod to Thrud the Barbarian, Korgoth cleaves a man in half.

Old acquaintances that are not truly friends is another theme that arises in many Sword & Sorcery stories and films. Kull the Conqueror, for example, has the character of Juba. In this case it is Ga-Ma-Gogg, the "Baron of Thieves." We know that theme demands that this character betray the protagonist (we are even told of a prior betrayal) and betray him he does. This sets up the motivation for Korgoth's quest.

Epic quest locales are certainly brought in. In montage we see the characters travel through desert, plains, forest, icy mountains,  swamps, and a floating wizard's tower. In the opening we see a fallen Statue of Liberty-like statue.

Since Korgoth of Barbaria is actually meant to be taking place in a post-apocalyptic setting, the inclusion of the Golden Goblin of the 4th Age is a wonderful touch. That it is some future equivalent to the singing "Billy the Big-Mouth Bass" adds a touch of humor while still touching on the concept of toys of the ancient past being looked on as great treasures.


Sexual Themes
The sexual theme of Korgoth is certainly, women as objects. Every female character is a focus of sexuality. The first is the stereotypical, buxom, barmaid who is last seen with a villain combatant's head buried deeply in her cleavage. The next, a rag clothed prisoner, sits in a golden cage while Ga-Ma-Gogg attempts to fondle her. Third is Orala, another rag clothed woman, rescued after being chained to a monstrous tree. This character is the "love" interest, and runs off to the bushes with Korgoth the first possible chance.

In addition, the evil wizard, Specules, adds to these themes in several ways. As his monster (made of chewing gum) attacks Korgoth, Specules repeatedly runs his hands up and down the golden goblin idol in an intentionally masturbatory fashion. His creature then becomes a bloated, six-breasted, monster that grabs Korgoth and mercilessly tongues him. Finally, after being slain, Specules' head appears on the body of the now decapitated Orala. The villain makes several suggestive comments before escaping.


The Music
Normally, one might not think too much about the music involved in a program like this. However, the music for Korgoth of Barbaria comes with a pretty solid pedigree. The music is by Lee Holdridge, who did music and orchestration for Wizards & Warriors and The Beast Master. His music is almost a character in itself. Having someone who has written music for the genre doing the music for this piece is an unexpected pleasure.


What Didn't Stink
The entire, and much too short, twenty three minutes of this cartoon are a non-stop delight. The over the top violence, the witty dialogue, the fantastic art direction. There is not a single sour note in the entire program. That is what makes it such a shame that the series was never picked up. So, enjoy the one episode that exists.


Final Thoughts
I note that I've been assembling notes and writing about this program longer than I was watching it. Korgoth of Barbaria really sticks with a person that way. Watching it is entertaining and, if you are a fan of the genre, you'll find yourself remembering bits and pieces of it later. The show really has legs. Too bad Cartoon Network kneecapped it and brought this cult favorite to a halt just as it was beginning. Check out the Bring Back Korgoth blog while you are at it.

Works Cited

"Adult Swim Pilots Update | BumpWorthy.com - Adult Swim Bumps." BumpWorthy. BumpWorthy, n.d. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/3898>.
"Bring Back Korgoth!" Bring Back Korgoth! N.p., n.d. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.bringbackkorgoth.blogspot.com/>.
"Bring Back Korgoth of Barbaria - PetitionHosting.com." Bring Back Korgoth of Barbaria. PetitionHosting.com, 14 Apr. 2008. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.petitionhosting.com/petitions/korgoth>.
Fouldamn, Skull. "Korgoth of Barbaria." Http://www.meangoblin.com. Mean Goblin Magazine, 28 Mar. 2013. Web. 7 Jan. 2014. <http://www.meangoblin.com/korgoth-of-barbaria/>.
Holdridge, Lee. "Korgoth of Barbaria Soundtrack 1." YouTube. YouTube, 26 Mar. 2010. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5QjMo8AG9k>.
Holdridge, Lee. "Korgoth of Barbaria Soundtrack 2." YouTube. YouTube, 26 Mar. 2010. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cvcLuAGcXI>.
Holdridge, Lee. "Korgoth of Barbaria Soundtrack 3." YouTube. YouTube, 26 Mar. 2010. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf0Fp2GRHtQ>.
Holdridge, Lee. "Korgoth of Barbaria Soundtrack 4." YouTube. YouTube, 26 Mar. 2010. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pm6riH6jNvM>.
"Korgoth of Barbaria | Facebook." Facebook. N.p., n.d. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <https://www.facebook.com/pages/Korgoth-of-Barbaria/53868280179>.
"Korgoth of Barbaria." IMDb. IMDb.com, 4 June 2006. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810644/?ref_=nv_sr_1>.
""Korgoth of Barbaria," the First an Only Episode. What a Fucking Masterpeice." Reddit. N.p., 1 Jan. 2014. Web. 7 Jan. 2014.
"Korgoth of Barbaria." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 01 July 2014. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korgoth_of_Barbaria>.
"Kull the Conqueror." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119484/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1>.
"Lee Holdridge." IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002626/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cr3>.
Somnus, Jack. "Korgoth of Barbaria - Pilot Episode on YouTube." ADULT ANIMATION BLOG. N.p., 2 Feb. 2012. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://www.adultanimationblog.com/2012/02/korgoth-of-barbaria-pilot-episode-on.html>.
"Thrud the Barbarian." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 24 Dec. 2013. Web. 07 Jan. 2014. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrud_the_Barbarian>.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

An Unexpected Treat!

Exordium (2013) NR

Listed as a "Fantasy Epic", this short film doesn't quite live up to that name, but while it certainly isn't an epic, it is still a remarkable film. One might even say brilliant. In less than eight minutes, Exordium manages to invoke the feeling of great Sword & Sorcery literature. The heroes stand before the unyielding guardian, and one by one they fall.

 
This short is relatively new, and I certainly don't want to spoil it for anyone. So consider this an exhortation for you to view the film, and read a review on a later date.